From CNX & GVA to Katmandu: A Nepali wed extravaganza

Dao Joon Tina & Michael at Himalaya Hotel

          Never in my wildest dreams would I have imagined that one month after arriving back in Chiang Mai from San Francisco and Toronto that I would be invited to a Nepali wedding.   But that is exactly what happened.  I was so honoured to serve as witness for Tina and Michael.

First, I learned about how not to travel with a man friend, and then I discovered someone who really loves me and wants to take care of me anywhere, all the time. I fully embraced the Nepali culture and spent a magnificent time with a happy family at a happy wedding. God bless both of you, and love to you both, Tina and Michael. 

Thamel Street Kathmandu

 I arrived in Kathmandu on Sunday afternoon after a long overnight bus ride from Chiang Mai to Bangkok, followed by very early morning flight on Air India.  It was worth it to do it this way because I did not have to stay overnight in Bangkok. My friend from Canada was waiting for me at the airport, and he can speak the Nepali language so I did not have any language barriers to overcome. I should say a big thank to him. After settling down at The Tibet Guest House in the Kathmandu tourist area, I discovered that electricity here in Kathmandu is not reliable.  I had to make sure I had my iPod and mobile phone fully charged at all times. Kathmandu city has crazy cab traffic and a way of driving never seen before in other countries I have visited, plus pollution levels among the world’s worst.  I needed to wear a mask when I walked around busy streets and had to do some nose cleaning every day to protect my lungs and maintain my immune system. I met Subash and his friends for dinner. They have been friends since the 1st grade, and seeing the boys together made me a bit homesick for the girls. I also tried homemade beer called “Tongba”, which is actually fermented millet mixed with boiling water.  You drink it using a straw, but it was quite a shock the first time I tasted it in my mouth.  Over time I got used to it, but this stuff is pretty strong and got me a little giggly.  

Tina & Dao at Tibial Guesthouse

Good morning Kathmandu! The first day I was so happy because my friend Tina came to see me at the guesthouse. We talked and she showed me around Katmandu.  One question she asked me which made me think twice:  "Are you sure you don't want to stay in Katmandu?”  I said “Really, it's OK.  I have prepared my itinerary and have my plane tickets already. I am travelling with a good friend from Canada who grew up in India, so I should be all right.”  Um.. yeah, right…. :) I was speaking quite confidently but I later realized. I should have trusted her as I did not know much about India at that time, only Nepal.   So many places I had not visited and in terms of people and culture I was already in the best place. Nevertheless, I ended up travelling in India for almost 10 days, but I will not go into detail here as I want to just focus on the happiest memories.

Temporary receptionist at Hira Guesthouse

After India, getting back to Kathmandu felt like coming home to a bit of familiarity and normalcy. We stayed at Hira Guesthouse for all most a week. The building is over 200 years old!  Mr. Per the owner of the guesthouse, he carefully restored the building leaving as much untouched as we could so that we could enjoy this piece of history. Weddings in Nepal, like many other cultures in the world, including Thailand, are designed mainly for the whole family, not just the younger generation.  The Nepali people call it a “Happy Wedding”, and it is usually a marriage arranged by and for the parents and family. Yes, arranged marriages, though waning, are still a part of the culture of Nepal – though I am pleased to say that I was also attending a “love marriage”.  The very notion of an arranged marriage would have been a challenge for me to accept because for me love has always been the key in any relationship. I found myself completely caught up in the very heart of family life that day, enjoying the coming together of all Nepali generations in an extravaganza of colour, ritual, ceremony and tradition which was to last for days.

Party at Tina 's aunt kindergarten school

:: day i / Welcome lunch party and Christmas party :: I went to a spa not far from bride and groom’s place. They were staying at the Summit Hotel. I treated myself to a Christmas gift: four hours of body scrub & massage and a face scrub.  I looked at the massage diploma on the wall, issued from Wat Po, Bangkok, Thailand and it made me so proud of my own country.  But massage service here falls well short of what one experiences in my home country. We were waiting for other friends from Chiang Mai at the hotel, and when they arrived we went to the bride’s house together. Her aunt in fact runs a kindergarten school there, so it was quite a big place that could easily accommodate my friend’s large family. Later in the afternoon, I acted as tour guide since I had already become familiar with the area and I knew where to buy good stuff cheaply. My Nepali bargaining skills were not too bad at all.  Later, we all stayed up late at a rooftop welcome party at my guesthouse.   

To be bride at Hena party

:: day ii / Mehendi Brunch :: I do not know how I managed to wake up from my hangover, but I somehow crawled out from under the low ceiling above my bed at Hera Guest House. The low ceiling is very typical for the country but quite challenging for us.  The Mehendi ritual is the decoration of the bride’s palms and feet, a ceremonial art form which originated in ancient South Asia. Intricate patterns of mehendi are typically otherwise known as henna. By the time I arrived at her house at noon, Tina had her hands, forearm, feet and legs covered with intricately designed mehendi.  After hours of letting it dry, she eventually scraped off the dried mehendi to reveal the beautiful designs. During this event, I met several of Tina's family. 

Hena man at girl 's party

It was the first time in my life for me to do the henna thing.  It seemed to take forever to dry and I was so hungry and cold.  But her family was so nice, sitting with me by the fire to keep me warm, spoon feeding me, not letting me touch or do anything.  The first thing I ate was…yogurt! my favourite food so far. The city is known for its creamy thick yogurt, called The King of Yogurts, which tastes like sour custard. I also enjoyed watching them doing celebratory dances for the bride-to-be.  And grandma was giving out money to the best lady dancers.  That night, we went out to Tamel and had dinner and Tongba as my Chiang Mai friends wanted to try the local beer.  We also needed to find some shoes for our friend to wear on the wedding day.  One of our friends had stayed here long enough to know the area well.  Will was sort of given the job of entertaining us, and as any good host would, he led us on our Thamel-bar-hopping tour. A couple of hours into this, we were all completely drunk and eventually moved on to continue the good times at his guesthouse.  

Our family  at Hira Guesthouse

:: day iii / A welcome party for all guests at Hotel Summit ::  This day felt almost like my own wedding day. I did not attend the reception party in the evening because my true love was arriving in Kathmandu that day and I had to pick him up at the airport.  I woke up early and went to the Patan market, a 5 minute walk from my guesthouse,  to buy some fruit, flowers and drinks. Even though I cannot speak the Nepali language well, people at the market were so friendly and we got by using just our heart and body language to communicate with each other.  One old lady reminded me of my grandma, so I felt rather bad bargaining her down to a 50% discount. When I returned to the guesthouse I realized that the flowers I had bought came to only 5 Baht for a whole bouquet. I learned that it was probably better to convert in my head to US or Thai money before bargaining.  When I gave her money I did not really get a smile from her.  These people work very hard to earn every penny and I perhaps asked too much of them.  If I could afford to pay a reasonable price, I should probably not bargain with them. As we call it: “sharing and caring”.  I decorated our room with flowers and artwork and some of our favorite friends were all ready to receive my loved one. 

Tina and Michael first met ^__^

At ceremony

Holding each other for lifetime

: day iv / A Nepali wedding ceremony at Hotel Himmalaya ::  As a silent observer and an active participant. I was wearing a white sari with my beautiful Thai smile. I witnessed a Hindu marriage ceremony for the first time in my life. It opened my eyes to three of Nepal’s ethnic groups: Brahmin, Mongolian and Newari. My friend Tina is a Rai (Rais are one of the ancient indigenous nationalities of Nepal). The ceremony was really long and complex, so I didn't understand the symbolic significance of half the things that were going on. Anyway, the priest and his assistant (his wife) started the ceremony. He did some puja and chants but, probably like most others present, I had no idea what he was saying.  Maybe he was speaking in Sanskrit or something. Anyway, Tina and Michael arrived and sat in front of this elaborately decorated Mandap which was a holy place where around a sacred fire the wedding takes place. Perpendicular to them sat the priest, who proceeded to chant for many hours. Then there was a Sin-door represents a happy and a long life for a married life. Where Tina sat with a drawn cloth to her head, and Michael drew red powder on it from one end to the other for three times to signify his commitment to his wife and wish for a long married life then he placed it on her forehead. Later, a strawberry coloured sequinned thing was placed on her upper forehead, another symbol of marriage. Then Michael did this thing where he carried her and moved her from one side to another. I just smiled. ^__^ I realized I was witnessing, as if in a real life movie, shadows of an ancient practice that is vivid and colorful and joins two families together. I was aware that no matter what ethnic group or caste of people I intermingled with, I was a Thai woman that was being welcomed into this ‘happy family’. To me, this was a touching experience, and no mere words can convey the feelings it produced.  It did not matter that I could not speak the Nepali language beyond a few basic words, and even though many of us had just met, we still felt so special to each other. I liked all the aunties and cousins and everyone else so much that many of us are now Facebook friends..  

Smile

Happy Family and Friends were dancing

:: day v / A Nepali wedding celebration at Hotel Himmalaya:: The next event was the reception attended by the bride’s family and friends. We dressed up in very formal attire, American style. I learned a new term: “beauty parrot” which means beauty salon. Joy helped me dress up neat and proper for two days at reception events.  Much like American weddings, there was lots of food and music and the bride and groom looked like a royal couple. seated on a couch where they greeted guests as they entered, receiving money and gifts from them as well. As a surprise, her aunt started the dancing off, followed by mom and grandma, who all performed a welcome dance for the newlywed lovey-dovey couple. This image captures what I love about the Nepali people. Life is not easy in Nepal, but people there are as happy and fun-loving as any I've met. They love dancing so much, just as I do.  And I danced a few numbers with my love and some other new friends who taught me how to do dance Indian style.  Suddenly, at 9.30 p.m. the music and lights were turned off right in the middle of a song. Something else I learned: Nepal does not permit live entertainment after 10 p.m. - not like Thailand !  My love and I invited our Chiang Mai friends to at our guesthouse and for more drinks.   I do not remember how many bottles we consumed but we had a really good time.

Happy Girl & Happy Man at Stupa

Boudhanath Stupa: is the largest stupa in Nepal and the holiest Tibetan Buddhist temple outside Tibet. It is the center of Tibetan culture in Kathmandu and rich in Buddhist symbolism. I guess from my perspective, finding religion again there was very interesting and this was one of the peaks of the trip for me. What I really liked most at this place: “The Eyes of Boudha”.  I felt as if God was looking upon  me and receiving my prayers. First, we listened to the beautiful music somewhere near the entrance so we stopped and shopped for some Nepali music. We walked around the Stupa and gave the wheel of good fortune a turn.   Nepali people believe if we do this we will be lucky and all our wishes will come true.  Big thanks to Tina for  introducing us to the authentic Tibetan food next to the Stupa. This restaurant is not for tourists but we managed to order by pointing at the pictures and at tables where people were eating what we wanted. My love saw a hand-painted 'Mandala', a mural painted on stretched cotton that depicts the Buddhist wheel of life.  This mandala symbolizes peace and happiness. Structurally, the square (stupa) is surrounded by six circles that symbolize wisdom, space, fire, earth and water respectively.

Bhaktapur palace

Bhaktapur: After many days of wedding receptions we were able to go back for a day together to the mountain-side town of Bhaktapur. I call this place a living museum town. Bhaktapur is located about 45 minutes by taxi from Patun’s capital. The atmosphere in the town itself was very charming and we often saw locals hanging out on the side of the streets, laughing together. The women were knitting and the men were playing games.  It was really fun walking around and getting lost in the living museum with my personal tour guide jejeje. There were two reporters there from an Indian TV channel. They asked to interview us about “love”.  Um, we were a little bit shy and not quite ready to be on television. We just refused politely.  The city was founded in the 12th century and had suffered quite a lot during a huge earthquake that devastated the Kathmandu valley in 1936. Nevertheless, Bhaktapur has been since restored to its glorious previous state, and has now been declared a world heritage site by UNESCO.   Oh My God! I wonder how many UNESCO world heritage sites we have visited so far on this trip.  In The Durbar (royal) Square in Bhaktapur one building in the Dattrateya temple has 55 hand-carved from a single tree trunk. There are tons of animals that live side by side with the local people. Dogs, cats, goats and chickens are the most prevalent.  I thought only Thailand had so many homeless dogs, but here in Nepal there are many as well.

Kathmandu woman & Happy Girl

And so, we left this wedding season in Nepal steeped in rich memories of people and culture that touched my heart deeply. We are also hoping to return some day for another infusion of Nepali coffee, Yogurt, chess Momos (chess dumplings) and kheer (rice pudding). Not only was the journey fulfilling from a traveller’s point of view, it was inspiring to work with women who had suffered so much, but yet were empowered to change their lives. I was fortunate to experience the culture and the people in a very profound way:  taking part in a wedding ceremony. It was such a privilege and honour to be invited, so I scrimped all my pennies together for it, got my true love involved and supporting me, sought the blessing of my family and friends (who have not yet visited Nepal), and found myself on a plane bound for Kathmandu in the month of weddings. Thank you my love and beloved friends..